


Demons

by KitsuneArashi



Series: Drabbles and prompts [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Dom!Castiel, Dom/sub, Drabbles, M/M, Self Harm, Sub!Dean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-13
Updated: 2017-09-13
Packaged: 2018-12-27 14:48:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12083301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KitsuneArashi/pseuds/KitsuneArashi
Summary: Dean struggles hard against his demons.





	Demons

Dean pulled his head from under the stream, sucking in a greedy breath as the scalding water ran over his chest, left arm holding himself up against the shower wall, right hand clutching the handle of his razor tight enough that his knuckles were white, despite the water being turned up so hot that it turned his skin pink on contact.

“Fuck,” he breathed in despair, leaning his forehead against the cool tiles and allowing the water to run down his back, steam rising around him in a haze. He looked down at the blade in his hand, struggling with himself, part of himself was clawing at him, gouging and digging inside his head and chest, begging to be released.

He rocked back on his heels, bringing his body more fully under the stream as he struggled with his own mind.

Part of him wondered, what was the difference between him hurting himself, here and now, while every part of him screamed for respite, and when he allowed Castiel to do it in the bedroom, cane or flogger in hand?

Even as the thoughts surfaced in his mind, the guilt flooded him. Because, even though he could pull similarities between the two to mind, and even though he knew that people who didn’t understand him, or Cas, or what they had wouldn’t be able to see much of a difference, he knew there was one. Not least being that he knew that Castiel would never enter into a scene with the thought of making Dean bleed, or actually causing him harm.

Dean shuddered against the heat of the water bearing down on him and dropped the blade to the tiles below him, reaching over to turn the cold water up, the burning ache of the shower immediately dropping to a comforting patter against his abused skin.

Castiel would be frantic to hear about how Dean was feeling right now, and he knew that if he’d made even the smallest cut to his flesh with the blade, Castiel would have noticed and been heartbroken and worried.

Guilt surged through him and he gagged, feeling sick to his stomach. His eyes strayed to the discarded blade even as he shut the water off entirely and left the shower, blade untouched.

It was a win, small though it was. A single demon taken down, even as he stood against the tides of hell, his own mind his enemy.

Dean flopped listlessly onto his bed, still naked, barely bothering to dry himself before reaching for his phone.

Dean: _Hey… you busy?_

Cas: _Never too busy for you, Dean._

Dean stamped down the guilt and insecurities saying that Castiel didn’t need his shit, would be over it and done with him, sick of how much of a fuck up he was sooner or later and took what he could, revelled in the attention and time Castiel spent on him while he had it.

He startled slightly when his phone rang, though he knew it was coming, a smile teasing his lips as he answered the call. “Hello Dean,” Castiel’s low voice soothed him instantly and he relaxed against his bedspread unconsciously.

“Hey Cas.” He sighed, just soaking up the sound of quiet breathing through the line. “I’ve missed you, _Sir_.”

Sure, fighting demons wasn’t easy, but Dean wasn’t alone in his war, Castiel was always just a message away.


End file.
